Believe God

Apostle Paul tells us in First Corinthians chapter 13 that love is patient and kind, that it does not boast or envy.  He says love is not proud, rude or self-seeking.  Paul says love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong-doing.  Paul reminds us that love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  There are four things Paul says love always does:  protect, trust, hope and persevere.  

A comment Pastor Craig Hofer of Fort Gatlin Alliance Church in Orlando, Florida made to my husband during the early days of his hospital stay was this:  You have to check your dignity at the door when you go into the hospital.  My husband returned home Friday after seven weeks in the hospital.  He was bedfast most of that seven week period and, I must say, the hospital staff did their best to preserve his dignity in situations that no one should have to experience, both in the bathroom and out.  Many sweet-hearted people served him (and me) with the greatest of mercy and protection.  They offered the love that Paul told us about.  We thank God for each of them.

In my husband’s difficult journey through a collapsed lung, treatment, surgery and recovery, I have learned much about nursing.  Many nurses insisted I should be on their payroll and I bristled each time I heard that.  I’ve seen their job and I don’t want it, although my respect for their profession is greater than ever.  As it is in our situation, however, I have provided nursing care for my husband through this very difficult and often embarrassing time.  It is my constant prayer that I serve him while protecting his dignity.  Some of the things we’ve had to do together have certainly given us new levels of appreciation for all that God has given us, in body, finances, helpers, and love.  And we know that the greatest of these is love.

One thing surfaces repeatedly throughout this difficult time:  the more we love God, the more we joyously desire to serve our fellow man, whether in good times or bad, when richer or poorer, and in sickness or in health.  When my love for Him is nurtured and growing, I count it all joy to serve, regardless of the task.  Many times my husband has expressed his great sadness that I have to care for him in some of the ways that I do.  What irony!  I feel the exact opposite.  What a privilege it is to serve my husband, considering the amazing service and sacrifice God gave to me: mercy, grace, and His Son’s life!  Surely my cup runneth over! 

As my husband and I go forward from here, may our lives count for the Kingdom of God.  May His will be done in and through us.  May He grant that we love Him more and more.  May His joy be our delight.  May we serve Him and others with a First Corinthian 13 kind of love.  In His name, Amen.

I have a friend who says, “People are like toothpaste tubes.  When you squeeze them, whatever is in them will come out.”  When we consider ourselves and the people we know, is this a frightening thought?  Or does someone come to mind who, when squeezed, might emit the fragrant aroma of God, a person full of grace, mercy, love, and faith?  A person who is full of courage and resilience and whose trademark is a life lived for Christ?  When I grow up, I want to be the latter.

My husband has been hospitalized for nearly five weeks now and part of his lung was removed to repair a hole in it.  His recovery has been nothing short of miraculous.  As doctors’ fears surfaced, so did the power of Christ.  When surgeons were saying he may not come off a ventilator, less than 17 hours after surgery they removed the tube and he’s been breathing on his own since.  As days pass, so do some of the concerns we all had prior to the operation.  But before the surgery, when we were being squeezed, well, that was different.

Where I grew up there were no streetlights because there were no streets.  We lived several miles up a dirt road where the only night light was whatever illumination heaven provided.  On nights of clear skies a full moon and millions of stars made midnight nearly as light as dusk.  On cloudy nights though, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face.  The darkness became a thick and heavy blanket covering the earth.  It was as if I couldn’t breathe in it, even though I knew that wasn’t the case.  Utterly blinded, my senses of touch, smell and sound became my navigation tools.  Sometimes my imagination exploded as a sudden noise jumped out at me, or I brushed against something unfamiliar.  My mind conjured up all sorts of enemies or ambushes and fear gripped me.  I would push through, not from courage but from terror, from both fright and flight.  My ultimate motive was to escape the darkness, and everything that lurked within it, waiting to get me.

Before Chuck’s surgery, we had four weeks to sit (and try to sleep) in a hospital room and think.  We tried to anticipate what might be out in the darkness ahead of us, sometimes in order to make decisions about his treatment and other times, well, we just did it.  We would allow our minds to venture over and over again into the future, where the darkness blanketed our understanding and our stability, paralyzing us.  At times it seemed my mind would just go out there on its own, perhaps to escape the present moment of suffering or fear, as if something better or more promising or even comforting lay beyond the present moment and I could just reach into the next day or week and pull it back to now.  But fear would creep in and attack me on those journeys and the darkness there was the stage for my imagination to once again run amok.  I would see terrifying possibilities and the comfort I reached for often morphed into nightmares lurking in the dense, sinister unknown.  When I was squeezed, fear came out.  And then… the Word of the Lord that I had hidden in my heart returned to my mind, again and again.

I am the head and not the tail.  In Christ I’m more than a conquerer.  What good work He began in me, He will finish.  I am called according to His purpose and therefore all things, all things, are working together for my good.  If He is for me, who can be against me?  Christ died for me, even while I was a sinner.  God loves me.  He provides for me, protects me and profits me.  Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for He is with me.  His rod and His staff comfort me.  He is my Father in heaven and is name is sacred, may His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  I will rejoice in all things.  I have the joy of my salvation.  I have the joy of my husband’s salvation.  I have peace that passes understanding for it comes from God alone through Christ.  Regardless of what my circumstances look like, when brought out of darkness into the Son Light, it becomes clear and illuminated.  I shall not fall but mount up on wings of eagles.  I shall not faint.  I shall overcome.  There is a heavenly purpose for suffering and sorrow.  I will serve the Lord my God forever.  

The darkness is changed forever by the light.  Nothing in the darkness looks the same in the light.  Whatever your circumstance, return to the Light of the Word and see what God says about it.  What is the Truth about suffering?  What does God say about sorrow?  Turn to the One who is the Deliverer.  He is able to do abundantly above and beyond anything we could ever hope or dream of.  Regardless of circumstances, the Light illuminates the darkness.  When you are squeezed, what comes out?  Is it light or darkness?  May it be light.

Hospitals… nice places to visit but no one would want to live in them.  We’ve been at the hospital 10 days now.  Strangely a thought crosses my mind: when all else fails, read the directions.

 I stood for a time this morning in front of a window overlooking rooftops of adjoining sections of the hospital where my husband is now living, at least for now.  It occurs to me that this is yet another place, both real and proverbial, that we never thought we’d be.  

As I looked across the satellite dishes, fans, and other gadgets attached to the flat, graveled roofs, I noted the crosses erected on most of the upright structures.  The reminder of Christ’s presence in the middle of our suffering was soothing.  Then the concerns of the moment returned and I was in the present again, still looking at the crosses.

What constitutes “enough faith” for healing?  Some say if we have enough faith, especially sufficient faith to “receive our healing” then we will certainly be healed.  The insinuation is that if our bodies are not healed after we pray, that we must not have enough faith.  

In Chapter one of Job, we read about a conversation to which Job was not privy.  God and Satan discussed Job.  Perhaps more importantly, God pointed Job out to Satan and literally offered Job up to him.  Once we read through the entire book of Job, we realize that God offered Job to Satan in order that He could give Satan permission to cause Job great destruction and suffering.  God only denied Satan the power to kill Job.  Why did God do this?  ”Poor Job,” we might say, and “Why did God intend that Job suffer?”

Then we learn that God’s intent all along was not that Job suffer needlessly but that God would be shown to be the faithful and sovereign God of those who love Him.  God gave Job the faith Job needed to bear the suffering, not for or against Job, but for God.  Consider this:  how many souls has Job’s story (specifically his suffering–provoked by God) encouraged and strengthen, for God?  Is Job’s story not encouraging you, now?

When all else fails, read the directions.  For the believer, the directions are written in the Bible.  Somewhere in the Scriptures, inspired by the Holy Spirit yet written by man, are the directions for the believers’ life.  So in times of failure, whether in our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and yes–even our faith, we turn to the Directions.  God’s direction in these circumstances are to offer them back to Him so that He may build our and others’ faith, encourage a brother or sister, allow others to truly love and serve us, and praise Him for the circumstance that brings these opportunities.  He is faithful.  Believe God.  And Lord, help our unbelief.

Hello everyone.  I am pleased write my first blog post today, August, 9, 2008.  I would like to thank J.D. (Dave) Pendry, a great friend, who has created the blog and offered it to me to use.  Thanks, Dave!  Please visit his site at his link on the menu on this page.

As I begin writing today, I bring first the latest news of my husband’s health.  Chuck was diagnosed with severe emphysema about 12 years ago and was diagnosed with esophageal and stomach cancer a year ago in August 2007.  I’ve been sending out updates on his health via email and I hope to convert those writings to this blog.  

This past week, without question, was the most difficult week of Chuck’s life, and therefore the hardest week I’ve ever had, too.  Last Tuesday morning Chuck woke up with severe pain in his upper left chest area, a head full of congestion that was causing his nose to pour and was unable to breathe without the assistance of his Bipaps unit, which is a pump with oxygen attached to a mask that keeps him breathing at night.  This unit was prescribed several years ago when he was diagnosed with severe apnea.

When Chuck tried to take the mask off, he was unable to breathe without it, but he was struggling to clear his head of the drainage at the same time.  For quite some time that morning, he thought he was going to die.  We spent that day and the following day caring for him and praying.  

Hospice came on Wednesday and the nurse and social worker spent most of the day with Chuck.  The nurse assessed his condition and obtained some medications from the doctor and the social worker spent some profitable time with us going over where we are with Chuck’s health and where we’re headed.  We talked about many end-of-life issues and also about serious decisions and planning concerning the suffering of suffocation.  

They delivered a hospital bed that day to offer Chuck the ability to incline while trying to sleep because his chest hurt horribly when he tried to lie flat and he had slept in a recliner the night before.  What a strange sight in our living room!  I would walk through the living room and wonder how that thing got there.  Chuck was unable Tuesday and most of Wednesday to walk much farther than from one room to the next and most of the time was barely able to just sit and breathe.  He struggled so very badly.

It was not an event we anticipated we’d have to face at this time.  It came with no notice and it brought Chuck to do and say some things he needed to do and say.  He emailed his sons and said some things he wanted to say.  He tracked down and called an old friend from his past and apologized for something that happened years ago.  He spoke with me about details we hadn’t faced yet.  He contacted his daughter and siblings.  He had begun to prepare himself and others for his death.

But God had other plans.  We don’t know why his breathing took such a drastic turn nor why his chest hurt so badly.  Over the next two days his breathing eased and so did the pain.  On Friday he was scheduled for a chemo treatment but was unable to leave the house.  The chemo nurse scheduled him to see the oncologist on Tuesday of this week to determine whether he should continue with the chemo, take a break from it, or stop it altogether.  

By the time Tuesday came along, his breathing was much improved.  He and the doctor agreed that he should try another round of chemo and then take about 10 days off, then resume his previous schedule of another 3 weekly treatments.  He received the treatment Tuesday and that afternoon was breathing much better.  Wednesday and Thursday have also been good breathing days for him.  We remembered that when he took chemo initially last fall that each treatment did seem to ease his breathing.  

So for whatever reason, Chuck is doing much better than last week and we are so thankful!

Chuck’s oldest son, Ryan, came for the weekend and spent time with his dad which also lifted his spirits.  They enjoyed time together, talking, laughing and just being together.  What a blessing.  His youngest son, Chad, plans to come this week and his 2 sisters are planning a weekend trip August 15th.  So we will be blessed yet again with the company of loved ones.  

Please accept our thanks for prayers, cards, emails, visits, and words of encouragement and hope.  A special thanks goes out to those who have served us in so many ways and continue to do so.  We also appreciate all of you who want to serve but for many reasons cannot right now.  We are in that place with others as well sometimes.  

God did give me an opportunity to speak to others about His faithfulness, His love, and His mercy last Saturday.  I visited with a great group of women who tutor students in a Christian home school program.  They were such a blessing to me and I’m very grateful for the opportunity to minister to them.  Please pray for them as they, like many of you, begin to gear up for school to start.

Please also pray for other opportunities I have for speaking engagements and those not yet known.  Pray that God would use our circumstances to show Himself to others as our great God of provision and strength.  Pray that I would be faithful in delivering the Word of God appropriately and effectively, to the glory of God and that I would deliver it with the attitude of Christ.  Please continue to pray for Chuck’s healing and for my strength and joy.

Thank you again.  I continue to pray for you as well.  

Ann Georgi, Believing God; Privileged to Serve Jesus Christ