Believe God

I have a friend who says, “People are like toothpaste tubes.  When you squeeze them, whatever is in them will come out.”  When we consider ourselves and the people we know, is this a frightening thought?  Or does someone come to mind who, when squeezed, might emit the fragrant aroma of God, a person full of grace, mercy, love, and faith?  A person who is full of courage and resilience and whose trademark is a life lived for Christ?  When I grow up, I want to be the latter.

My husband has been hospitalized for nearly five weeks now and part of his lung was removed to repair a hole in it.  His recovery has been nothing short of miraculous.  As doctors’ fears surfaced, so did the power of Christ.  When surgeons were saying he may not come off a ventilator, less than 17 hours after surgery they removed the tube and he’s been breathing on his own since.  As days pass, so do some of the concerns we all had prior to the operation.  But before the surgery, when we were being squeezed, well, that was different.

Where I grew up there were no streetlights because there were no streets.  We lived several miles up a dirt road where the only night light was whatever illumination heaven provided.  On nights of clear skies a full moon and millions of stars made midnight nearly as light as dusk.  On cloudy nights though, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face.  The darkness became a thick and heavy blanket covering the earth.  It was as if I couldn’t breathe in it, even though I knew that wasn’t the case.  Utterly blinded, my senses of touch, smell and sound became my navigation tools.  Sometimes my imagination exploded as a sudden noise jumped out at me, or I brushed against something unfamiliar.  My mind conjured up all sorts of enemies or ambushes and fear gripped me.  I would push through, not from courage but from terror, from both fright and flight.  My ultimate motive was to escape the darkness, and everything that lurked within it, waiting to get me.

Before Chuck’s surgery, we had four weeks to sit (and try to sleep) in a hospital room and think.  We tried to anticipate what might be out in the darkness ahead of us, sometimes in order to make decisions about his treatment and other times, well, we just did it.  We would allow our minds to venture over and over again into the future, where the darkness blanketed our understanding and our stability, paralyzing us.  At times it seemed my mind would just go out there on its own, perhaps to escape the present moment of suffering or fear, as if something better or more promising or even comforting lay beyond the present moment and I could just reach into the next day or week and pull it back to now.  But fear would creep in and attack me on those journeys and the darkness there was the stage for my imagination to once again run amok.  I would see terrifying possibilities and the comfort I reached for often morphed into nightmares lurking in the dense, sinister unknown.  When I was squeezed, fear came out.  And then… the Word of the Lord that I had hidden in my heart returned to my mind, again and again.

I am the head and not the tail.  In Christ I’m more than a conquerer.  What good work He began in me, He will finish.  I am called according to His purpose and therefore all things, all things, are working together for my good.  If He is for me, who can be against me?  Christ died for me, even while I was a sinner.  God loves me.  He provides for me, protects me and profits me.  Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for He is with me.  His rod and His staff comfort me.  He is my Father in heaven and is name is sacred, may His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  I will rejoice in all things.  I have the joy of my salvation.  I have the joy of my husband’s salvation.  I have peace that passes understanding for it comes from God alone through Christ.  Regardless of what my circumstances look like, when brought out of darkness into the Son Light, it becomes clear and illuminated.  I shall not fall but mount up on wings of eagles.  I shall not faint.  I shall overcome.  There is a heavenly purpose for suffering and sorrow.  I will serve the Lord my God forever.  

The darkness is changed forever by the light.  Nothing in the darkness looks the same in the light.  Whatever your circumstance, return to the Light of the Word and see what God says about it.  What is the Truth about suffering?  What does God say about sorrow?  Turn to the One who is the Deliverer.  He is able to do abundantly above and beyond anything we could ever hope or dream of.  Regardless of circumstances, the Light illuminates the darkness.  When you are squeezed, what comes out?  Is it light or darkness?  May it be light.

Hospitals… nice places to visit but no one would want to live in them.  We’ve been at the hospital 10 days now.  Strangely a thought crosses my mind: when all else fails, read the directions.

 I stood for a time this morning in front of a window overlooking rooftops of adjoining sections of the hospital where my husband is now living, at least for now.  It occurs to me that this is yet another place, both real and proverbial, that we never thought we’d be.  

As I looked across the satellite dishes, fans, and other gadgets attached to the flat, graveled roofs, I noted the crosses erected on most of the upright structures.  The reminder of Christ’s presence in the middle of our suffering was soothing.  Then the concerns of the moment returned and I was in the present again, still looking at the crosses.

What constitutes “enough faith” for healing?  Some say if we have enough faith, especially sufficient faith to “receive our healing” then we will certainly be healed.  The insinuation is that if our bodies are not healed after we pray, that we must not have enough faith.  

In Chapter one of Job, we read about a conversation to which Job was not privy.  God and Satan discussed Job.  Perhaps more importantly, God pointed Job out to Satan and literally offered Job up to him.  Once we read through the entire book of Job, we realize that God offered Job to Satan in order that He could give Satan permission to cause Job great destruction and suffering.  God only denied Satan the power to kill Job.  Why did God do this?  ”Poor Job,” we might say, and “Why did God intend that Job suffer?”

Then we learn that God’s intent all along was not that Job suffer needlessly but that God would be shown to be the faithful and sovereign God of those who love Him.  God gave Job the faith Job needed to bear the suffering, not for or against Job, but for God.  Consider this:  how many souls has Job’s story (specifically his suffering–provoked by God) encouraged and strengthen, for God?  Is Job’s story not encouraging you, now?

When all else fails, read the directions.  For the believer, the directions are written in the Bible.  Somewhere in the Scriptures, inspired by the Holy Spirit yet written by man, are the directions for the believers’ life.  So in times of failure, whether in our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and yes–even our faith, we turn to the Directions.  God’s direction in these circumstances are to offer them back to Him so that He may build our and others’ faith, encourage a brother or sister, allow others to truly love and serve us, and praise Him for the circumstance that brings these opportunities.  He is faithful.  Believe God.  And Lord, help our unbelief.